I've been trying to think of a perfect tribute to the US soccer team for their mediocre, but sufficient performance against England in Saturday's World Cup match. I don't hate soccer. I just don't completely get it. Soccer is like playing Atari when you have a PS3. It's still fun, but there's way better. Soccer is played worldwide, sure. The reason for that is simple. It's cheap. You need a ball and two sticks to shoot between. If I have to guess whether or not a country has a world cup team, I need to know if they have chickens in the streets and dirt runways at their airports. Soccer is just not a very evolved sport. Then to make matters worse, they keep changing the design of the ball, making an already low scoring, boring sport, more boring. Americans are accused of being arrogant for not "getting" soccer, but I think it's because we're used to sports that have high scores. Look at America's favorite sports for instance. Football (college and pro), Basketball, then you have baseball and hockey, both long tedious and low scoring. It's a simple recipe. Get rid of the stupid off-sides call in soccer and you've got a pretty good sport. Until then, the best fans you'll have are horn blowing South Africans and Chinese actors hired by Kim Jung Il.
My tribute to the US team is Cheryl Cole, ex-wife of England's defender, Ashley Cole. If this chick got any hotter, my genitals would actually wave a white flag.
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