Rachel Mcadams gives her best, "Trey, please love me" pose.

After wedding crashers, ok ok ok...actually it was actually after I watched The Notebook and cried for an hour, that I fell in total love with Rachel Mcadams. What? How you could you not cry at that beautiful coming-of-age story of forbidden love, destiny, loyalty and tragedy. Noah spent his entire life trying to prove himself and win her love. I digress. The point is that Rachel McAdams is a ROCKET. Sure, she's a little pale and sinewy, but so was Fiona Apple in her Criminal video in 1997 and that didn't stop me from wanting to have sex with her now did it. I'm essentially hoping Rachel keeps making terrible movies like this one with Harrison Ford because with bad box office performances come fewer roles, and with fewer roles comes roles requiring nudity. That's one of the most basic Hollywood algorithms...just after summer blockbuster roles in Transformers and obligatory sex with directors...not naming names (COUGH) Megan Fox.

Megan Fox lights box office on fire...

Megan Fox couldn't sell kiddie porn to Michael Jackson. Everything she touches turns to FAIL. She's ignorant, arrogant, talentless, and ungrateful. I know you're probably growing tired of my rants about this chick, but I can't help myself. It's just that she's so easy to loathe. Jonah Hex finished the weekend in 8th place. 8TH. That's 8th behind, Toy Story 3, The Karate Kid, The A-Team, Get Him to the Greek, Shrek, Prince of Persia, and Killers. If you're Megan Fox and the movie you're supposed to carry finishes behind a movie starring an insufferable and unattractive Kathrine Heigl, and a dopey Ashton Kutcher that's been out for 3 weeks, you might wanna look to another career. Megan...stick to modeling. People, not me, but people, wanna see you...they just don't wanna see you act.

Can't say I didn't tell you so...

Megan Fox was photographed over the weekend in Hawaii. Let's just say, I know now why she relies on photoshop. I'm not sayin' but I'm just sayin' that there's a good chance this is a 14 year old boy's body with a Megan Fox mask on. When you see this chick in GQ and such, sure she's sexy. But, not here. There's nothing sexy about these pictures. Nothing. These are so-called rare candids. It's no wonder this chick never leaves the house. Pale as a ghost and about as curvy as a ruler on Viagra. As if these photos didn't do enough to dispel the myth that she's the sexiest woman alive, Brian Austin Green was in most of the pictures I refused to post. The evolutionary reason behind men never marrying the girl that's easy to sleep with is because it's mother nature's way of telling them they can have better. Evolution's other, more obvious way of letting you know you can do better...her prior boyfriend was Brian Austin Green.