Britney Spears Glamour UK October 2011

I like it: "Britney Spears is this month's cover girl and she's looking better than ever!"

And see: "Britney Spears: Then And Now." She's all grown up!

Via Britney on Twitter.

RELATED: At Randy's Roundtable, "Midweek Rule 5 Break: Nicci Pisari."

'I Wanna Go'

What the heck? Britney's been in the news as a "statuesque" beauty, so here you go:

Britney Spears at VMAs: The Modern-Pop Definition of 'Statuesque'

From Spencer Kornhaber, at The Atlantic, "Lady Gaga and Britney Spears Share a Surreal Moment at the MTV VMAs." Here's the kicker:

The two almost kissed, and then broke off at the last moment. But Gaga kept leering, standing uncomfortably close to Britney as she attempted to give a barely felt acceptance speech. What's more, Britney had to simultaneously thank the world and introduce the next performer, Beyonce Knowles. It was a moment of weird indignity for Spears: a younger star awkwardly hogging the spotlight, a roughly contemporary diva waiting in the wings to take the stage.



But the optics of the things were the most striking. Britney, at 29, remains sturdily, conventionally beautiful. Outfitted in boots and a short but glamorous black dress, she appeared the modern-pop definition of "statuesque." And then there was Gaga as Calderone: blonde hair replaced by dark mop, her features elfin and unspectacular, her get-up shapeless and drab, her stature tiny. By pairing the two for a kind of lifetime achievement award, MTV was necessarily asking us to contrast the women. Gaga, it seemed, had picked out her shtick for the night in part to play up that contrast. And why not? With her endless parade of costume changes and her guilt-free lyrical message, Gaga's obsessed with remaking standards of beauty and achievement so that they're set by individuals, not establishments. She's the incredible, cross-dressing, anti-Britney.

Video at the link, in case this one gets yanked.



RELATED: At London's Daily Mail, "What a difference four years makes: Britney Spears gets her sparkle back as she returns to scene of THAT awful MTV performance."

Hey Ya'll...I wanna teach and stuff like that.

In a recent interview, everyone's favorite trailer park millionaire sex symbol, Britney Spears, talked about the things she would've done with her life had she not sold her soul to the devil for fame and fortune:



“Career-wise I’d probably be a teacher,” Britney, 29, tells PopJustice.com. “I love kids and even in what I do now one of my favorite parts of my day is getting to meet my fans before the show. Especially the little ones. They are always so cute.”



Either that, or a stay-at-home mom: “I’d be raising my family. Being a mom. I’m very strong in the way I raise my kids and stuff.”



Yeah Britney, of course. You're form rural Louisiana, what else could you do besides be a stay at home mom? I guess there's always operating a successful meth lab in your trailer. You know, when I think of teachers influencing the lives of our youth, I think of character, stability and intelligence...ya'll!



What she's really saying is, "Thank Jesus I hit the lottery of all lotterys and since I was 8 I've grown increasingly out of touch with reality, but if that weren't enough to piss you off, if I couldn't do this for millions and millions, I guess I would be someone normal and poor like a teacher."



In a related story, if Jeffrey Dahmer weren't caught with severed penises and human heads in his apartment in Milwaukee, he would've been the best scout leader the world has ever seen (Not a true story).

'Till the World Ends'

Britney will hold you over until I'm back online later this afternoon: