One of the saddest days of my not-so-young life came today when Heidi Klum announced that she and Victoria's Secret were parting ways. For 13 years Heidi has been the catalyst for my immature, insensitive, demeaning and objectifying sense of humor regarding supermodels. Inspiration, I feel, only comes around like this once in a lifetime. Heidi has not only selflessly given to me and Mr Down South, but scores of innocent and thirsty others, hope and resilience. Moving forward, I simply cannot think of life with Victoria's Secret as my muse, inspiration, and emotional compass, without Heidi Klum. Being the "Head Angel" as she was, requires responsibility and fortitude at a level most young models cannot aspire. Many of you are probably staring at your screen in disbelief, wondering what's so special about this German girl from Bergisch Gladbach. Well, stop projecting you selfish bastards. Let's take a moment of silience.......
How dare you blaspheme. Where will this lonely and lost periodical go without the navigation of German beauty and perfection? I ask you, where will they find the next "Head Angel?" If you irresponsible blow hards tell me Gisele Bundchen, I hate you more than cancer. In fact, I've seen more feminine features at drag shows. Right now, as my cursor races across an empty tear soaked screen, Tom Brady is more effeminate than his supermodel girlfriend. So, don't you dare tell me about what drives the spark for the most influential mail order magazine in the history of man. I want to go on...I want to extend a helping hand to others hurting like I am hurting, but I simply cannot allow my ego to write checks my body cannot cash. It may be days, it may be weeks before my words find you again. Alas, I will end this entry with Shakespeare, just as I started it, "Farewell, fair cruelty.”
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